Trouble in Paradise; another day.

Sorry I havn’t posted in a while, I’ve been distracted trying to find work for the next 6 months.

Anyway.. I need to share this with someone, and anyone in my personal life is just going to be judgemental and critising. So I feel like this is an outlet where I can let people know what’s been troubling me. Well.. not really troubling but I guess.. Upsetting.

You know that feeling in your stomach..gut, when you’ve just heard bad news, the one that literally makes you feel so be-little and unworthy of anything? …That’s exactly how I feel right now..

And yes, you have it right- this is to do with Ass-Love guy. But for this post I’m just going to refer to him as “Ass”.. because I just feel crap.

I know that before I said I was okay with it all.. Just being friends and casually having a strictly sexual thing going on… but I’m not. I don’t think I realised how attached I am or how much I care for the guy. 

Today, while we were talking he mentioned again- he likes blondes, but then he also said in a somewhat patronizing way ‘Asian girls are fun’, when I went on to try and ask him how he knows he wouldn’t be able to fall for one, he said he doesn’t know. He then goes on to explain that he’s ‘looking for asian girls atm to just have fun with’. He’d only consider getting serious with a blonde..

Now don’t get me wrong, this made me feel quite awful considering my parent’s are well technically Asian/Indian and so even though I was born in a western country- my looks still appeal that way as well. But the worst part is.. that when he said ‘he doesn’t know..’ – it almost felt like it was specifically me that he didn’t want, (sorry to be cliche), but it seriously feels like I’m not pretty enough, or skinny enough or tall enough or anything. It just made me feel like this tiny little thing in the world that can just easily be toyed and played with.

And now writing this post has gotten me kind of upset again.. So I’ll just leave things here for now and continue later. Sorry to be so depressing guys.

Best Day

Alright, so I’m not too sure how appropriate this post is.. So I’ll try to keep it PG.

Today, things went well. Really well. Well.. actually I’m not sure I’d classify it as that good. But, I feel really happy about it. So the day began with Ass-Love-Guy and myself flirting for hours on end, until he’d invited me over to watch movies. Now, we’d agreed to keep it strictly friends. So nothing other than movies was supposed to occur. However.. One thing led to another and.. well. I guess you know the rest.

I’m going to be honest with you guys though.. I don’t feel that bad about it. I know he doesn’t want to be with me, but I feel quite content. It was amazing and I don’t think I could’ve spent my day in any better way. Do you think this is normal though? That I’ll start to realise what I did and think back and realise it was a mistake?

Hmm.. I don’t know.. and to be completely honest, right now.. I just don’t care enough. Today was just spontaneous and fun and flirty and I loved every second of it.

On the other hand, I have university offers coming out this week.. I’ll keep you all posted on how I went!

That’s all for now 🙂

Rejection in the midst of another day.

Alright, so I didn’t quite have enough time to post anything yesterday.. so I’ll give you guys a little bit more goss into this “ass-love-guy” situation.

Mmm, so yesterday I was talking to ass-love-guy (I thought this name was appropriate) and lets just say rejection twice in two different situations sucks. I’m assuming you’re familiar with the first or at least partially familiar..
-to recap; I told him I really liked him and wanted to be with him, he shot me down saying he wants to just be friends.. And when I asked ‘why?’ He said he prefers blondes and I’m too young. (There’s 5 years difference) I just don’t see age as an issue. But anyway..
Back to yesterday. We were talking and things get a bit hot, so I suggested we do something that night (if you know what I mean..) he replies with “nah” and so now I’m like cool.. any other guy I ask would have jumped at the offer.. but I wanted you. So feeling a little rejected and lonesome right now. Still unable to let go or stop talking to him, it’s just really hard.

I think I’ve torchered you guys enough for now with my non-existent love-life.. Just now if you ever get into a situation like this loves, I know exactly how you feel!

A little snippet of my day

I think I’m going to make this a regular thing and let you guys in on my life.

Although I must warn, today was not very exciting. I had a job interview.

This actually seems to be what my life has come to; interview, sleep, eat, get up, get ready, more interviews. See, I’ve applied for a Bachelor of Arts and Law at many locations but am unable to actually afford this. Of course, with my parents- there is no help.

So, here I am sitting down applying for universities and spilling the little details of my world to all of you. Today, I had attended a Virgin Recruitment Day. Prior to this I had done some research into how the day goes and what to expect… (Bad idea)! Many forums had warned me of how the entire process would be daunting and stressful! However, when I arrived it seemed rather simple and serene. It was like any other group interview.

There were nine of us all from different lifestyles and we had all come together with one goal- to become a flight attendant with Virgin Airlines. We started off with a presentation which was obligatory, very similar to the ones you see anywhere else… talking up the company, telling you about the pay rates etc. etc. and then we moved into a Group Activity.

We were required to work as a team to report back to the interviewer how we would go about handling a stressful situation on a plane. After this, there were short individual interviews, followed by the same process with a Skyline Recruitment Interviewer. All in all, it was your average interview with ages from 18-25. To be honest, in a way I hope I get this position, it seems very exciting! and I think I’d enjoy it a lot. I guess we’ll see though…

For now, I think it’s time for a dose out of reality and into the world of television series. Pretty Little Liars here I come!